The Finger
by Iwritetoomuch
Summary: George thinks everybody's giving him the finger. Elaine is invited to Sue Ellen's retirement party. Jerry picks up on jive talk from Kramer.


theme song plays. fade into Jerry doing standup. logo appears. he does a bit.

Jerry: So I was driving the other, and this woman, without signaling, drove right into my lane and nearly killed me. Her response? The finger.

Now, am I supposed to feel bad about this? I mean, it's just a finger. A body part, to be exact. Now, if someone gave me the toe, I would totally feel bad. I mean, it's hard to give the toe. You have to drive by, take your shoe and sock off, and put your foot up.  
Yeah, how you like that? Hahaha.

cut to commercial

fade to George driving. A screech is heard.

George: Whoa!

He goes back into control. He looks over to another lane. He gasps.

George: Oh yeah? Well... yeah.

cut to Jerry's apartment.Jerry sits at counter, reading a newspaper, with George behind counter.

George: And then he gave me the finger.

Jerry: What was your comeback?

George: No comeback.

Jerry: Lame.

George: I know, but I couldn't think of anything. I never really got the finger in traffic before.

Jerry: With your driving, I'm shocked.

George walks away from counter and onto the couch. Jerry turns around on his seat. Kramer enters.

Kramer: Yo.

Jerry and George: Kramer.

Kramer: Jerry, you got a disco ball?

Jerry: Do I look like John Travleona?

Kramer: Eh, I don't see it.

Jerry sighs.

Jerry: What do you need one for?

Kramer: Lighting.

George: For what?

Kramer: My apartment. I got a dance floor.

Jerry: When?

Kramer: This morning. I hope I didn't make any noise.

George walks to window. He looks out.

George: Hey, what the hell kid?

Jerry: What?

George: This kid flipped me off! Stay right there punk!

George exits.

Jerry: Kramer, why do you even need a dance floor?

Kramer: To dance.

Jerry: You're brilliant, you know that?

Kramer: You don't have to tell me.

Intercom buzzes. Jerry answers it.

Jerry: Hello?

Elaine (vo): Me.

Jerry: Come right up.

Jerry presses button, and looks over to Kramer, who is practicing slow dancing.

Jerry: What is that?

Kramer: I call it the Slow Dancer.

Jerry rolls eyes. Elaine enters, and throws purse on table.

Elaine: Hey guys. What's with George? He ran like mad down the hallway.

Jerry: it's George. What do you think?

Elaine: Ha, of course.

Kramer continutes dancing.

Elaine: Why are you dancing Kramer?

Kramer: I just got a dance floor.

Elaine: Get outta here. When?

Kramer: This morning.

Jerry: Let me ask you, where did you get the money?

Kramer: Retirement money.

Jerry: Tsk.

Elaine: Oh Jerry, that reminds me. Sue Ellen Miscke is retiring.

Jerry: Say what?

Elaine: I know. It's just stupid. She's in her 40s. And she invited me to her retirement party.

Jerry: Who has retirement parties?

Elaine: I know, who cares? Anyway... I want you to come with me.

Jerry: Oh you don't need me.

Elaine: But Jers.

Jerry: No, no, no!

Elaine pouts, stomping her foot, throwing Kramer off balence and making him fall.

cut to George walking down street. He walks by flourist store. Gardener cuts finger on flower's thorn. He turns to George, holding up the middle finger. George gets mad.

Gardener: Help me get this thorn out.

George: Oh.

George relaxes. He holds finger, and wryly smiles at gardener.

cut to George at workplace. He walks up to man at copying machine. He cuts his finger on paper, and turns to George, holding up the finger to show the paper cut. He mouths, whoops sorry. George looks annoyed.

cut to Kruger's office. George enters. Kruger licks peanut butter off middle finger. He points finger at George, mouthing, try some. George waves no.

cut to George at Monk's coffee shop, waiterness hands George a bill. George points something out on bill. Waiterness points at something on the bill with her middle finger. George looks annoyed.

cut to George lying on couch at his apartment. He watches Tv, and man on TV burns middle finger, and holds it up, burning.  
George's eyes widen in confusion.

cut to Jerry's apartment. Jerry watches Tv, with 70s music playing in the background. Kramer enters, wearing a disco suit.

Kramer: What's happening?

Jerry: Huh?

Kramer: I said what's happening?

Jerry: Oh, hold on.

Jerry takes out earplugs out of ears.

Jerry: You were saying?

Kramer: Come on, join my party. It's so money!

Jerry: What?

Kramer: Pfft, you're just a square.

Jerry: Why are you talking like this?

Kramer: Because I'm rad, baby!

Jerry: Right.

Kramer opens door, music blasts through door. Kramer falls backward.

cut to Monk's shop. Elaine and Jerry sits at booth.

Elaine: So, the party's tomorrow. I got her the best gift possible.

Jerry: Is that so, baby?

Elaine: Did you just called me baby?

Jerry: Of course I did, groove funk!

Elaine: Anyway, I got her a gift card to Macy's section of bras.

Jerry: She still doesn't wear these bras? That's groovy!

Elaine: What happened to you?

Jerry: Nothing's happening, baby!

Elaine: You better not talk like that at the party.

Jerry: Square.

George enters, sits at booth at to Elaine.

Elaine: You look down, George.

George: What gave it away?

Jerry: Don't be down, my groovy friend!

George and Elaine stare at Jerry.

George: Anyway, I think I'm stuck in a curse.

Elaine: Of course, the hairless curse.

Jerry and Elaine laugh, as George sarcastilly chuckles.

George: How funny. Everybody's giving me the finger.

Elaine: The finger? For what?

Jerry: George's cracking, baby!

George: Enough with the jive talk, Jerry. It's getting old.

Jerry: I can't stop, it's Kramer's fault! He's not so money!

George: I'm leaving.

Elaine: Me too.

George and Elaine exit.

Jerry: You crows are a bunch of squares anyway! I'm so money!

cut to commercial.

fade into party. Jerry and Elaine enter. Elaine holds a box of a gift. Everybody in the party talk, and eat at their table, while Sue Ellen is on stage at a podium. She sees Elaine. She groans.

Elaine: There is she.

Jerry: Damn, she is looking fiiiine!

Elaine: Shut it, Jerome.

Sue Ellen walks up to them.

Sue Ellen: Hello... Elaine.

Elaine: Hello... Sue Ellen.

Sue Ellen: Really, I did not expect you to show up. I only expect a gift.

Elaine: Take it, braless.

Elaine hands over gift to Sue Ellen. She peeks inside box.

Sue Ellen: Oh hell, when will you get over yourself?

Jerry: I would like to get over you, honey bee.

Elaine: Quiet.

Sue Ellen: Who's he?

Elaine: You have met him, remember? Jerry Seinfeld.

Sue Ellen: My, you're looking slighty more handsome.

Jerry: And you, are fiiine.

Sue Ellen: Ooh, let's dance.

Jerry and Sue Ellen goe offscreen, leaving Elaine by herself.

Elaine: Have fun!.. squares.

cut to George driving in his car. He looks over to another lane. He gasps.

George: Why you.. that's it!

George screeches.

George: How about I follow you, bird man?

George does his evil laugh. He chokes a little, and clears his throat.

George: Ahem.

cut to Kramer's apartment, he sleeps on couch, covered in silly string and confetti.

cut to party, Elaines sits at table, by herself with a glass wine. Pinter walks to her.

Pinter: Elaine?

Elaine: Peter?

Pinter: I prefer Pinter.

Elaine: What are you doing here?

Pinter: We actually got married.

Elaine: Oh really?

Pinter: Yeah, soon after you left India, she decided to tied the knot.

Elaine: But she's dancing with Jerry.

Pinter: She's actually cheating on me with three other guys.

Elaine: ooh.

Awakard silence.

Pinter: So you're still working at Peterman?

Elaine: yes.

Pinter: Right.

Awakard silence.

Elaine: So, what do you do now?

Pinter: I'm a banker.

Elaine: Ah.

Awakard silence.

cut to Sue Ellen and Jerry dancing.

Sue Ellen: Soo you're still a comedian?

Jerry: You got that right, baby.

Sue Ellen: Baby?

Jerry: Hey, atleast you're not a square, right?

Sue Ellen: What?

Jerry: We're so money.

Sue Ellen: Shut up, jackass.

Sue Ellen pushes Jerry away and leaves her own party. Jerry gives thumbs up to Elaine, and Elaine thumbs up back.

cut to George pulling up into a gas station. He drives up to another car. He steps out to speak to the driver.

George: Hey, you!

Driver: Yeah?

George: You're the bird man!

Driver: Huh?

George: Don't huh me! You flipped me the birdy eariler!

Driver: oh geez, did I? I'm sorry.

Driver holds up hand, wrapped with bandage and the finger sticks out.

Driver: It wasn't on purpose.

George: Oh.

Awakard silence.

George: You're pretty money.

pauses on George's face. Producer blocks come up. cut to commercial.

fade into Jerry's apartment, as credicts rolls. Kramer enters, still in disco suit, cover with silly string.

Jerry: Whoa, baby.

Kramer: I can't see, Jerry.

Jerry: Right on, man.

Kramer: Help me, please.

Jerry: Now you're being square.

Kramer: oh, enough Jerry!

cut to another show.


End file.
